On Friday I felt I was holding him back. On Saturday I cried all day and told him. I wasn't holding him back, I was pushing him forward. We didn't break up. We texted after wats. Today, no texts at all.... I guess I was and you didn't want to tell me. I don't know. But, I will... somthing... reach for your dreams, I shattered mine.
Sunday, February 26, 2012
Saturday, February 18, 2012
Bullies
There are many types of bullies,
There are cyber bullies,
There are bullies at school,
The worst bully there is, is yourself.
I have been there, I know your pain.
I'm the odd man out,
I bully myself because no one did.
I never gave them the chance.
I bullied myself because I had to feel.
I was numb,
I couldn't feel, I hid all emotion.
I acted like I was okay.
No one cared, they all pretended.
No one was there when I needed them.
THEY SAID THEY WOULD!
THEY NEVER CAME! THEY NEVER CARED!
No one saw when I was me!
THE REAL ME!
THEY FEARED ME!
THEY JUGDED ME, said I was acting.
They didn't care if they did hurt me,
I hurt myself worse.
With words,
Truth,
"You're not good enough!"
"No one cares!"
I tried death,
I don't fear death, just what people would say after I died.
Pain,
I clawed at my skin,
No one saw.
I stabbed myself,
No one stopped me.
I WROTE MY PAIN EVERY DAY!
They said it was sad, I should write happier.
I wrote perfect little stories,
Nothing goes wrong.
"Aww your stories are so happy, life is not like that."
DON'T YOU THINK I KNOW?
I LIVED WITH SELF INFLICTING PAIN FOR FOUR YEARS!
MY WHOLE HIGH SCHOOL YEARS!
I want it to end!
IT ALL COMES BACK!
I want to stop,
I can't stop this monster I have become!
I can't stop myself!
I WANT TO FORGET MOST OF ALL,
YET MY NIGHTMARE LIVES ON,
I FEAR EVERY DAY THE ONE PERSON I KNOW CARES
THE ONE PERSON THAT MAKES IT ALL GO AWAY,
I FEAR ONE DAY HE WILL ONE DAY SLIP THOUGH MY FINGERS.
when I am with him, I am not a bully.
Just someone that overcame it.
Some think cool
I lived though 1/1/01, 2/2/02,3/3/03,4/4/04,5/5/05, 6/6/06, 7/7/07, 8/8/08, 9/9/09, 10/10/10,11/11/11 i will see 12/12/12 and i know i will see 1/1/13!
Thursday, February 16, 2012
Valentines day
So I had a grey feb. 14th ... I always hated it,.. But I kind liked it this year... :)
Omg a lot has happened
So since I last posted, I got "asked" to prom, then fought about if I needed to buy a dress and then got a bf... had my first kiss somewhere in there my depression went away.... and I love my bf, he GMH everyday, if I never met him, I probley would not be here.... I love more then everything and thank God every day that I met him
A note to my bf
I have always wore a hoodie, bc I didn't like to be touched, and to hide myself. It made me feel safe. .... with you, I don't mind... well sometimes...but yeh, anyone else would have gotten slapped. .. that's why I asked why you always slide your hands into my jacket...
I had an awesome dream last night
Last night I drempt that my bf was in my bed, we whr making out and we had to be quiet...umm and we wanted to have sex, but we didn't, we just layed there talking and kissing... I really wish it was real!
Thursday, February 9, 2012
....
"You love him don't you?" Kenneth asked as he left Tuesday's room
"Yeh" Tuesday nodded her smile widened
"Really? How much?"
"I would die for him" she half quoted pirates of the carrabean
"That much?" He asked as Tuesday just nodded
I said
I said I want a beach weding
I said I would not wear makeup
I wanted it to be my first kiss, but I'm glad it wasn't
I said I wanted like a white sundress
I said I didn't want to go all out with my hair
I met the man of my dreams, I know we r ment for eachother. And a big weding to prove that? No, not really, as long as we're together we'll always be happy
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